Hamster balls and hand dryers

So. In my 30-odd years on this planet, I've spent a not inconsiderable amount of time...

...as a child (the first decade and a bit)
...as a babysitter (the next decade or so)
...working as an educational tour guide, then as a teacher (this last decade)

This is all to say that I am not entirely unfamiliar with miniature humans- at least, once they're old enough to expel their own feces without assistance, tie their own shoes, and maintain a conversation in complete sentences.

Babies and toddlers, on the other hand...less so. I mean, I'll figure it out. How hard can it be? Nutrients go in at one end, waste comes out at the other. Unwrap, wipe, rewrap. Speak in a calm, soothing voice. Do not drop. If dropped, be sure to catch on first bounce. And so forth.

So we have this running joke, my wife and I. I'm the youngest of two children, with no cousins, nieces or nephews on the continent. She's the second-oldest of 6, the daughter of a daycare owner, and has already changed dozens if not hundreds of diapers.

We'll be discussing facets of childcare, usually with friends or family, and our intended strategies for once the fetii are out in the world. I'll make a suggestion that will range anywhere from mildly inappropriate to utterly ridiculous.

B: Cloth diapers or disposables?
J: Neither! The cats can use the litter box; our babies will be at least as intelligent as cats.

B: What kind of stroller should we buy?
J: No stroller! Oversized hamster balls that we can roll down the street with our feet.

B: Ooh, these towels are supersoft and will be great for drying baby skin!
J: Oh, are we going with towels? I was thinking of one of these. We can just wave the babies up and down a few times and they'll be perfectly dry almost immediately!

And so on.

Now, the reason for this strategy is simple- each of these conversations inevitably ends the same way. Bethany rolls her eyes, and says, "I'm never leaving you alone with the kids."

Genius.